photo courtesy of bluvampier
With 2 little ones still young at home, this is definitely a tough one at the moment around here. No wonder some marriages fail to flourish at around 7 years after tying the knot. In my opinion this is due to the first 5 years (plus 2nd pregnancy) inclusive of babyhood, toddlerhood and in general the early years of every child that so much needs mama around. Motherhood embraces our lives and it is almost an instant overnight transformation in which we turn into ”someone’s mum”. That’s right, we are more a mother than a wife (especially this one), friend, daughter, and so on. It is obvious that all our attention will be undividedly on our newborn baby. The question is for how long, It seems to go on forever and if not careful one day we wake up to realise that our marriage is drier than cacti in the Sahara Desert. Good news is, there are still spines and roots on those cacti that help them survive in such harsh and dry conditions. So, providing that there is still spines and roots in those cacti ;), this is what we can do when motherhood overtakes everything else:
- Know how to communicate – Our relationship as a couple will always have an impact on our children’s lives. From the way we speak to each other to the way we solve conflicts. It is of paramount importance that we communicate with respect above all else. When having a disagreement it is always better to express our feelings. We shouldn’t keep our feelings to ourselves otherwise we might resent our spouse later on. On the other hand, if something is pleasing, it is fair to express our feelings too. Let’s not take anything for granted.
- Keep the relationship alive - From little gestures such as a kiss or a hug to ideas such as: a date a week/month, a couples retreat or a marriage seminar (I’ve just heard about this and sounds great). If things are not great marriage counselling might be the answer. If only a little spark is needed there are many little yet valuable ideas to get closer; set aside daily/weekly ’special’ moments to share together.
- Be compassionate – It’s all about perspective, if you try to see things with empathy you will surely be in a better position to find solutions or remedies. It’s not until we step in someone else’s shoes that we understand or at least try to understand their point of view. So next time you feel like you need a hug, give a hug first because surely that hug is also wanted from your other half.
Tomorrow more on Family, this time related to children and other family members.